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Are We There Yet

Every day is one step closer to what? The day we find happiness? The day everything makes sense? The day we stop worrying? The day we die? Every day is just one more step into the fog of life. Think of our journey as a walk through and English Moor full of thick, vision-blocking fog. Every step you take, you don't know if your foot will land on solid ground, a puddle, a living creature, or something you never expected. You cannot see where the path ends. You cannot see if you are alone or surround by other travelers. You cannot spot rest stops that offer food and beds. You do not know if there are mountains ahead or valleys or lakes. All you can do is walk. You have no choice, the sun sets and rises each day despite the amount of steps you take, the weather, or the condition of the ground. All you can control is your thoughts and your reactions to your fellow travelers. You can think about how many lakes the Moor contains, you can plan for tomorrow's weather, or remember the snake that bit you yesterday. You can try to be happy in the Moor, or you can allow yourself to be sad. You can try to reach out for a fellow traveler's hand or except one reaching towards you, or you can walk alone. That is all you can control. You cannot control the chemicals in your brain forcing your sadness to emerge. You cannot control the reaction of the traveler you touch, the weather, the amount of lakes and snakes ahead, or the length of your path in the Moor. You are trapped in a pattern you cannot leave. The sun sets, the sun rises, and another day of walking is gone.

Now that Hurricane Irma is gone, so many people are consumed with encouraging others to donate their hurricane supplies, drooling over attractive police and fire rescues teams, and shaming those around them for "not preparing," "loosing their sense of community," or being "foolish" for this reason or that. Facebook and other social media platforms that were supposed to bring us together has been ripping everyone apart since the 2016 Presidential Election. Post-hurricane social media is no different. Pictures are being shared of animals abandoned in flood zones, homes without roofs, and "handsome cops" who have wives. We have replaced our cries for social justice with prayers for flooded communities and Go Fund Me requests. Neither are positive and uplifting.

Shortly after the election, I was told by many that they did not believe in political social media posts. That "no one changed their beliefs reading about someone else's." I could not disagree with this statement more. However, I do believe that "no one changed their beliefs reading someone's words that attempt to shame and judge those who believe differently." That is all I find on my social media feeds. Posts about terrible pet owners, home owners, parents, children, bosses, subordinates, actors, comedians, politicians, police officers, citizens, and more. No one is happy and everyone is sharing. How does this help those around you? It feeds them negativity and encourages them to share. And then their readers share, and then theirs, until everyone is full of negativity and sadness. That is all I am full of lately. It appears when I check Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, my challenge tracker, my exercise levels, my weight, my bank account, my credit card statements, my text messages, my closet... It is a sadness I cannot shake, a negativity I cannot disband.

I had such high hopes for my September challenge but I made the grave mistake of not applying a worthy incentive reward so I have no reason to say no to candy or soda or other no-nos on the list. The month is half-way through so now might be a good time to plan for a new incentive.

What I ate:

Breakfast: pancakes, eggs, and turkey bacon
Morning Snack: dried fruit
Lunch: leftover food from the weekend
Afternoon Snack: veggie chips
Dinner: stuffed plantain bowl

Daily Challenges:

Reading: The Hate U Give
Creativity: knitting
Exercise: moving furniture and shopping
Self-Care: date night

We finished the day with a much needed date night. My husband recognized my feelings and got me out of the house and distracted me. He even bought me an owl-themed activity book, fidget cube, and Halloween decoration to help me feel better and get my mind off things.

Over and Out,
The Girl with IBS

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