Skip to main content

Last Blue Monday

Today was a hell of a Monday. My 20 minute commute was almost 50. My IBS decided to flare up. I have felt overwhelmed and gross all day. But, this Monday was my last at my Blue job. I'm calling it Blue because the company colors are light blue and navy, so it seems fitting. This day next week I will be at the Red company.

At one time I guess I was happy at Blue. The first seven months were nice. I made friends, enjoyed parties, and had plenty of down time to work on homework. Then came August 22nd, the day Blue let go of 10% of the company. I kept my job along with the memory of crying alone in my cubicle, waiting for the phone to ring and tell me I was unemployed. Since that day, Blue has not been the same. A few friends left, I had a falling out with another, and lost touch with the rest. The hallways now seem bleak. The new friends I have made are wonderful, but I feel a wall between us. The morale is terrible and the work satisfaction is worse.

Earlier this year I applied for two other jobs at Blue. I was denied both and my distaste for Blue grew. I am bored with my work and alone in my corner cubicle. I miss my old work environment and I miss my cubicle upstairs by the window. Blue will never be the same again. The time has come for me to say goodbye.

Like breaking off any abusive relationship, I feel I should stay and wait and make things better. Red is so much better for me but I feel bad leaving Blue. I feel bad that I couldn't make it better. I feel abused by Blue, and yet, I feel like I owe them more. But no matter my feelings, this Monday was my last Blue Monday and I couldn't be happier.

I'm so scared to go to Red. What if I don't make friends? What if it's worse than Blue? What if I'm still unhappy? But what if I thrive? What if I'm happy? What if Red is perfect? Only one way to find out.

 What I ate:

Breakfast: pancakes and honey
Morning Snack: banana bites
Lunch: leftover Bahama Breeze
Afternoon Snack: popcorn and Gatorade
Dinner: rice with butter

Daily Challenges:

Reading: Once and For All
Creativity: knitting
Exercise:
Self-Care: joining online coding network

My IBS flare-up is intense. I think it is the result of this stressful week and all of the horrible food I have been eating lately. Now I am suffering from extreme cramps and loss of appetite. I skipped the gym due to nausea and a headache. I should have taken a walk but now I am in bed... Please remind me tomorrow to walk. I have learned that during times of extreme pain like this, all I want to do is curl up and pretend the world has stopped turning. I know that high intensity exercise is harmful but low intensity, like walks, can help. I just never listen to my brain during these times, only my cramps and desire to sit on the couch.

Over and Out,
The Girl with IBS

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What is IBS?

A few years ago, my doctor diagnosed my chronic and mysterious stomach pain as IBS. At the time, I could barely eat. I was living on the BRAT (banana, rice, applesauce, and toast) diet, losing weight rapidly, and barely sleeping. Before the diagnosis, I went through weeks without lactose, meat, soy, gluten, and other ingredients in an attempt to discover an allergy or intolerance. After several tests, we decided it was IBS and I would have to learn to manage the symptoms on my own. According to the Mayo Clinic: Irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) is a common disorder that affects the large intestine (colon). Irritable bowel syndrome commonly causes cramping, abdominal pain, bloating, gas, diarrhea, and constipation. IBS is a chronic condition that you will need to manage long term. For me, IBS means nausea, vomiting, bloating, cramping, and constipation when I eat large meals or too many No-No Foods. My No-No Foods include sweet, fried, and acidic foods. I have learned my body's ca...
Post a Comment
Read more

Paint Your Pet

Remember when I used to have weekly incentive rewards and I actually met my challenge? Yeah I remember that too... Well, one of the rewards was a Paint Your Pet class at my local studio. And today was the day! The painting class was small, only myself and two other ladies. One of them was painting her pet goat, the other was painting her puppy for her husband's birthday. They were close friends but did a wonderful job of including me in conversations. I also loved my painting instructor and we chatted a lot. During the break, we walked over the brewery and my classmates tagged along. They were hesitant at first but when their much younger acquaintance ordered, they did too. I feel like I should have received commission for them! So I sipped my glass of cider and worked on my masterpiece. The painting looks just like my beautiful kitty and I am so happy. Maddie is my princess and her portrait turned out better than I could have expected. I loved spending the afternoon learning n...
Post a Comment
Read more

Let's Just Start this Day with a Bang in the Head

Weigh-In Wednesday:  150.2 lbs So today started by getting my (rightfully but nonetheless) grumpy husband out the door for work. Next, it was weigh in time where I was greeted with a number in the 150's, again. Walked into work to see an email from a very rude coworker throwing me under the bus for her mistake. Followed by an inquiry from an upset coworker about an incident that was taken care of weeks ago. I explained everything twice and then stopped trying. The system is down and half of our server is acting up. Why I am here? Oh yeah, because I pay mortgage for a house I am not in, payments on a car I barely drive, and I have a crippling amount of student debt for a degree that have provided me with a higher position than I am currently working. If ever I needed comfort food, it was now. Here is what I ate today: Breakfast - pancakes Snack - cherries Lunch - turkey sandwich and popcorn Snack - peanut butter crackers Dinner - *cheat meal* I am just wanting all the th...
Post a Comment
Read more