Weight-In Wednesday: 152.6
The number above is not what I wanted to see today but I cannot lie and say I am surprised. My stomach is a wreak from hurricane nerves, lack of alone time, and too many No-No Foods. Everyone around me is stressed and my Challenge Tracker Excel file has too many X's and not enough check marks. I feel like if I don't plan for self care now, I am just going to breakdown.
What I ate:
Breakfast: peanut butter crackers
Morning Snacks: chips
Lunch: leftover Olive Garden
Afternoon Snack: applesauce
Dinner: avocado and black bean salad
Daily Challenges:
Reading: Just Ella and Palace of Mirrors
Creativity: knitting club
Exercise:
Self-Care: Reading and kitting in my room
I added a new Daily Challenge. I know what you are thinking, I cannot even keep all of my current ones, why add another? But every day I NEED to do something for myself. Shower, put on makeup, buy a new shirt, spending time alone in my room, do laundry... Anything that makes me feel better and closer to "okay."
One of my major "issues," "problems," "triggers," or whatever it should be called it lunchtime at work. I used to go into the lunchroom and eat with friends or alone. Alone I would read a book and with friends I would socialize and feel like part of a community. Now I am constantly joined by two individuals I am not friends with. One is nice but immature and the other is not nice and immature. I hate when they join me and I have no way to avoid them unless I leave work during lunch. Today I am going to try to eat in one of the meeting rooms but that might not be do-able every day. I hate not having my lunch space after eating there for over a year and a half. I wish they would either go somewhere else (like where they ate before) or leave me alone. But they will do neither so I have to take care of myself and go somewhere else. Eating with them has turned my views on lunch negative and often ruins the rest of my day.
I just want to be happy. This weekend I felt happy, especially after the amazing date night with my husband. But then returning to work felt like it ruined all of my progress. I was happy on Monday, laughing and spending time with my loved ones (husband and cats). Excited for new things like couches and getting rid of LuLaRoe forever. But then Tuesday hit and life hit and a hurricane is about to hit and I feel like all of my progress is slipped backwards down a very tall mountain. I feel like I am at the bottom of a massive pool and my lungs are running out of air but I don't know how to swim. I am just tired. Tired of working a pointless job, tried of trying to help myself. Tired of feeling like I am constantly running at full speed on a treadmill.
Tomorrow is supposed to be the first meeting of my bible study but no one is interested so I guess that is not happening. Oh well, maybe a weekly thing is too much for me. My husband gave me the idea of going to the library once a week just to be around books. Maybe that is a better idea?
In other news, I was offered a new job today. More on that tomorrow.
Over and Out,
The Girl with IBS
The number above is not what I wanted to see today but I cannot lie and say I am surprised. My stomach is a wreak from hurricane nerves, lack of alone time, and too many No-No Foods. Everyone around me is stressed and my Challenge Tracker Excel file has too many X's and not enough check marks. I feel like if I don't plan for self care now, I am just going to breakdown.
What I ate:
Breakfast: peanut butter crackers
Morning Snacks: chips
Lunch: leftover Olive Garden
Afternoon Snack: applesauce
Dinner: avocado and black bean salad
Daily Challenges:
Reading: Just Ella and Palace of Mirrors
Creativity: knitting club
Exercise:
Self-Care: Reading and kitting in my room
I added a new Daily Challenge. I know what you are thinking, I cannot even keep all of my current ones, why add another? But every day I NEED to do something for myself. Shower, put on makeup, buy a new shirt, spending time alone in my room, do laundry... Anything that makes me feel better and closer to "okay."
One of my major "issues," "problems," "triggers," or whatever it should be called it lunchtime at work. I used to go into the lunchroom and eat with friends or alone. Alone I would read a book and with friends I would socialize and feel like part of a community. Now I am constantly joined by two individuals I am not friends with. One is nice but immature and the other is not nice and immature. I hate when they join me and I have no way to avoid them unless I leave work during lunch. Today I am going to try to eat in one of the meeting rooms but that might not be do-able every day. I hate not having my lunch space after eating there for over a year and a half. I wish they would either go somewhere else (like where they ate before) or leave me alone. But they will do neither so I have to take care of myself and go somewhere else. Eating with them has turned my views on lunch negative and often ruins the rest of my day.
I just want to be happy. This weekend I felt happy, especially after the amazing date night with my husband. But then returning to work felt like it ruined all of my progress. I was happy on Monday, laughing and spending time with my loved ones (husband and cats). Excited for new things like couches and getting rid of LuLaRoe forever. But then Tuesday hit and life hit and a hurricane is about to hit and I feel like all of my progress is slipped backwards down a very tall mountain. I feel like I am at the bottom of a massive pool and my lungs are running out of air but I don't know how to swim. I am just tired. Tired of working a pointless job, tried of trying to help myself. Tired of feeling like I am constantly running at full speed on a treadmill.
Tomorrow is supposed to be the first meeting of my bible study but no one is interested so I guess that is not happening. Oh well, maybe a weekly thing is too much for me. My husband gave me the idea of going to the library once a week just to be around books. Maybe that is a better idea?
In other news, I was offered a new job today. More on that tomorrow.
Over and Out,
The Girl with IBS
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