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I Want More Than This Provincial Life

I relate to Belle, Elsa, and Tiana more than any other Disney characters (or pretty much more than all other characters besides Leslie Knope). I feel like Belle most of the time because I am constantly looking at me repetitive life and wishing for more. More challenge, more adventure, more than those around me have planned. I want to travel, love my work, have flexibility to explore places and hobbies, read more... Just sometimes I want more.

Elsa is the animated representation of my struggle with anxiety and ADHD. On a daily basis I feel trapped inside my own walls, continuously having to cover up my symptoms. I feel trapped by the diseases my body has accumulated as the result of years with anxiety and ADHD and I often feel like I need to keep my true self hidden. The idea of running away to an abandoned refuge alone has entered my brain more than once.

And then comes my Tiana part. I work so hard because I feel like that is the only way I will ever achieve anything. While that is true in some cases. Working hard 24/7 only worsens my anxiety, ADHD, IBS, Hypoglycemia, and the mile long list of other physical and mental health conditions I am constantly motoring. Tiana works two jobs to save for her dream restaurant and I am working two jobs to save for my dream vacations, house remodel, and the ability to make sure my husband never worries about money again. Someone please turn me into a frog so I can explore New Orleans.

To me, Leslie Knope has the work ethic of Tiana but loves like no one else. She adores her best friend and husband, a little more than they adore her. I can relate to this on a level I never thought possible. While my best friend and husband love me with all their hearts, their feeling come no where close to mine for them. For most people, their love would be more than enough. For me and Leslie, sometimes we are left wanting more and attempting to fill the void with work, hobbies, or other actives.

Because I have been focusing so much on my eating lately, I do feel that I am more in-tuned with my mind and body. I must always focus on how I feel, if my blood-sugar is high enough or monitor my headaches to decide if I need food, sleep, or a break. Just so you know, the answer is always yes. I always need food, sleep, and a break. Man do I miss working in the school system. Where is spring break in Corporate America?!

So now that you have read through my psychoanalysis, here is what you really came for:

Breakfast - egg, English muffin, sausage, pancakes, and honey
Morning Snack - popcorn
Lunch - Chix Patties and rice with grapes
Afternoon Snack - peanut butter RX bar
Dinner Sweet-As-Honey Chicken and frozen yogurt blueberries

I went to the dentist today and he told me that I had the most beautiful teeth he had seen in a long time. That made feel amazing! Apparently, my teeth are beautiful! Also today is Wednesday with means...

Weigh-In Wednesday: 149.4 lbs

So I am 40 days into this challenge. I have foregone sugar for as long as God flooded the earth. That is pretty darn impressive, even if I am not loosing much weight.

Over and Out,
The Girl with IBS

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